I just might eat a damn sandwich.

So this photo has been circulating on a lot of my friend's Facebook pages this week, and it made me stop and think. I thought about it a lot. To the point where I finally (obviously) had to write about it. Because after said thinking, mostly I've decided... I am an awful, awful, AWFUL human being.

I'm awful because I looked at the photo, and knew that I 'should' share it... because that would be the 'right' thing to do. It sends a great message: "Love your body." "Embrace your natural assets." "Every woman is beautiful." "It's OK to eat a sandwich!" But I didn't. I didn't because it would have been hypocritical of me to post it. Because I, like this photo suggests, have been brainwashed enough to actually look at the top row of women in the picture with envy and jealousy instead of disgust. Because I've been 'taught' to believe that skinnier IS better. That curves and lumps and cellulite and soft-aging-bodies and saggy boobs = ugly. And that ripped, skinny, tight, taught, 14 year old boy-like bodies = sexy. (OK, even I will admit that Nicole Richie is just plain gross... but Kiera?? Cummon! Look at those abs!)

Maybe I think this way due to my years in theater school where you had to wear tight dance clothes in front of mirrors all day long, only to have teachers critique, nitpick and pigeon-hole you into some sort of physical 'type'. Or maybe it's from the 10 years of actually being out there IN the theater/film/tv world, performing, auditioning and competing against a room full of skinny bitches, knowing that it's simply the reality of "Showbiz". The superficial world where you actually have to LOOK a certain way. ACT a certain way. BE a certain way in order to get cast. If you can't handle it, you should consider leaving the industry to those who can.

Or maybe it all runs deeper.

Maybe it's a result of something my Mom said to me when I was 14. I was standing in front of my bedroom mirror and she walked in and had that really 'proud mom' look on her face and said: "You are so beautiful... Look at yourself in this mirror." (I naturally didn't see what she was talking about.) "Look at your figure... and how amazing clothes look on you. You are so lucky. I'm telling you to appreciate it because you will never look this way again..." Or maybe it was when I was 17 and she poked at my slightly thicker teenage thighs and said "Cellulite? Where did that come from?? I never had it." Or at 18 when she said "You're really not in the right 'shape' to wear that dress.." or at 26 when she said "I'm really glad you lost that weight... your arms were starting to look thick."

"Thick".

Thanks mom. (And I mean no disrespect, she was an amazing, amazing, AMAZINGLY loving and supportive mother.. rest her soul)
I just mean that WORDS MATTER. They stick. And every day, aware or not, we are force fed those skinny bitches in the picture above in movies, on TV and in magazines. We are constantly led to believe that happiness is a result of thinness. The Golden Globes were a perfect example of that this year... did anyone SEE Angelina Jolie's arms?! Super gross. But.. flip side? She gets to be married to Brad Pitt. Damn. You win Angelina. I am still jealous of you.

I'm hardest on myself. I know we all are. I bet I can tell you, show you, probably even draw you in pencil crayon every flaw on my body. (My husband after 10 years just humours me now)... Because not even at my most obsessive have I ever felt like I have done 'enough'. I've never been skinny 'enough'. Fit 'enough'. Cut 'enough'. Even when it got to the point where my friends and family were trying to stuff sandwiches down my throat so that I would gain a pound or two... I felt I had a ways to go.

It's funny to think about those times now. Especially after having a baby 21 months ago, (so was pregnant for almost 10 months before that.) That's 31 LONG months of baby! But ever since having my angel I haven't had the focus - (focus? drive? time? need? energy? meh.) to obsessively get back into the 'shape' that I have been in in the past. (Don't get me wrong, I still go to the gym all the time. I teach group fitness. I'm still obsessed, I just have other things to DO now than focus on myself!)

And especially since I leave for Cancun in 2 days. I know that I won't be the skinniest one in the bikini... that's an ego blast. I'll just the one who "looks pretty damn good for a mom". And you know what? Over these past few days, after thinking and thinking and looking and looking at that picture above, I'm trying to convince myself that that's OK. I actually looked at myself after my shower yesterday and thought... "Yeah. I can live with this body. And I think I can even rock a bikini (and not just the tankinis that I hide behind when I feel fat!)"

So I'm coming to terms with the fact that you don't have to look 14 in order to be beautiful. You may not have skinny arms. And you MIGHT just be normal if you are cursed with having CELLULITE!

And I make a conscious daily effort to call my daughter 'smart' as well as 'beautiful'. I tell her she's 'polite' and 'sweet' and 'nice' as often as I do 'pretty'... And every night I tell her how much I love her and that she makes me so happy and that she's the most important little person in my life. (sure I make fun of a few of her baby flaws, but that's just part of being a mom I think!)

And yeah, there was a time in my life when I was 20 pounds lighter and looked like my 14 year old self again, but MAN was I HUNGRY! And since Hollywood is not breaking down my door with a contract to star opposite Brad Pitt, I guess I'll just eat a damn sandwich. (But hold the bread... you know, just in case ;p)

Eating Right for our type-- 4 weeks in...

... and I've gotta be honest. I'm abusing the whole "red wine is a benefit" thing. I think I'm on the 'Red Wine Diet' not the 'Eat Right For Your Type Diet'!! I don't think ANY weight loss program works when you consume a bottle of wine at the end of your day!! So I'm embarrassed to admit that my results aren't stellar, which would explain the lack of blogging about it.

I'm enjoying the diet in general, but to be fair, it's not that far off from how Brad and I eat when we're being "healthy" anyways! Lots of lean protein and soy products, lots of fruit, dried fruit and veggies.... and NO sugar. (haha except in wine!) Funny enough, when we first met Brad & I both joked about our ridiculous eating "quirks" that our families make fun of us for.... and this diet has just proven us right!! There are certain things that I noticed YEARS ago that I didn't digest well (peppers, chick peas, most beans, any meat other than chicken or turkey... etc etc) so I stopped eating them. (I haven't had any form of meat other than chicken & turkey & fish since 1999!!) And turns out they're all "avoids" for us anyway!

HOWEVER this whole 'no hot sauce' thing?? Killing us. That and the 'no vinegar thing'. Ever notice that vinegar is in EVERYTHING?!

That being said we are going to modify our diet slightly. Because cutting out hot sauce and vinegar are NOT going to be 2 things that we will do for the rest of our lives (although we WILL be more conscious of them now) we're going to re-introduce hot sauce. And if Brad has his way? BBQ sauce too.

Sooooooo here are my results after 4 weeks. I'm down 6 pounds in total and I'm down 5 inches all over. That includes bust, belly, midline (aka muffin top), hips, butt, thighs, calves, biceps and forearms. I still feel great but have about 7-10 more pounds to go until I feel FABULOUS! 4 weeks to do it!

PS-- this "Red Wine Diet" sounds very exciting! Maybe I will have to have an 8 week Red Wine challenge after this ;p Oh wait... I'm pretty much ON it right now aren't I? Crap.

Eating Right for our type - Week 1 complete!

Well I'm not going to lie... I feel better!

A combo of regular exercise, moderated drinking and healthy eating has made a HUGE difference in the way I feel this week. My numbers aren't as drastically different as I would have hoped, but I'm "down" none the less. So far I'm down a total of 4 lbs and 1 inch... I think that exercise is to blame for the minimal inches because I'm slowly re-building muscle as I lose fat, but hopefully next week's lost inches will be better!

The rest of the week was similar in eating to days 1-3... Lots of smoothies, peanut butter toast, chicken, veggie dogs, salads, quinoa, cous cous, fruit & veggies. The only difference was that I made these awesome kale chips & asparagus fries on Wednesday, and yesterday I ate salmon for lunch... YUM! Oh. And last night we may have indulged in a bit too much red wine ;p

This morning we had feta & veggie omelettes and organic turkey sausages... life is rough! Off to the gym now-- see you next week!

Eat Right for your Type Challenge- Our First Few Days!

Well so far so good!

On Saturday (Day 1) we went shopping and filled our fridge, freezer and cupboards with a couple hundred dollars worth of "A-type" friendly foods. Lots of veggies, fruit, beans, good cheeses, ancient grains... seems like this may not be too tough after all! (And we're certainly not hungry!)

However, the hardest things that are "Avoids" are 2 favorites of ours.... spicy food and sushi. We aren't allowed ANY PEPPERS! Not ground pepper, not jalapeno peppers, no red, green, yellow, orange normal peppers.. and DEFINITELY no Frank's Hot Sauce :( (We aren't allowed anything with vinegar in it so that takes out most condiments, dressings and mustards..) and then even worst, no TUNA! And no crab. So that = no California Rolls or Tuna Sashimi. These are going to be tough ones for us ;p

We are also not allowed any Aspartame (which is fine because it's bad for you anyway) but I do love my Coke Zero... instead I'm using Splenda (because Sucralose, Maltodextrin and Dextrose are "neutrals") and honey to sweeten my beverages :) Luckily Crush Cream Soda and Orange Crush both come made with Sucralose!

MEALS:

Day 1-

Breakfast: Peanut Butter on my favorite Squirrely Bread toast with coffee (almond milk & Splenda)

Lunch: Steamed Chicken on Spinach salad with a side of Ranch dressing (we were out at a restaurant with out-of-town-family and there were no "A type Friendly" dressing options) and a side of steamed veggies, soda/cranberry juice to drink

Snack: Apple

Dinner: Grilled chicken burgers with mozzarella cheese and our new FAVORITE vinegar-free mustard on top, a side of Zuccinni and mozzarella salad, 2 glasses of red wine!

-------

Day 2-

Breakfast: Smoothie with strawberries, blueberries, raspberries, low-fat yogurt, almond milk and flax seeds. Coffee of course (almond Milk & Splenda)
Weekly Sunday Brunch with my family means eating out... so I got 2 poached eggs with Rye Toast. (the Rye had margarine on it which I'm not sure about because I know we're not supposed to do butter... next time I'll get dry toast)

Lunch: 2 Veggie Dogs (bun-less) with mozzarella cheese and our amazing vinegar-free mustard

Snack: 4 dried figs, Diet Crush Cream Soda

Dinner: Father's Day BBQ time!!! So I had 1/2 chicken breast (only 1/2 because we burnt it on the BBQ and it was gross!), around 1/2 cup of BBQ'd Teriyaki Salmon, and a side of quinoa salad. A few glasses of Red Wine to drink of course :)

-------

Day 3-

Breakfast: Smoothie with strawberries, blueberries, raspberries, blackberries, low-fat yogurt, almond milk and flax seeds. A piece of Squirrely Bread toast with Peanut Butter. Coffee to drink (almond milk & honey this time)

Exercise: Fit-4-Two Stroller Fit class, 1 hour.

Snack 1: 3 dried figs, small handful of unsalted almonds & dried blueberries

Lunch: Quinoa salad with broccoli, carrots, cucumber, onions, lemon, olive oil and garlic. Delicious!! (I added A-friendly curry spices on the leftovers)

Snack 2: 1 dried fig, small handful of unsalted almonds & dried blueberries, Diet Crush Cream Soda

Dinner: Lentil patties are on their way with a side salad...and of course red wine!

-------

3 days done out of 56! LOL

Eating Right For Your Blood Type - Our 8 week challenge

So the baby is over a year old, the hockey season is FINALLY over, our spring travels full of wine and delicious food have ended... and the bottom line is.... NO MORE EXCUSES! I'm STILL not back to my pre-baby weight and that needs to change.

Wonder why?? Hmmmm... maybe it's the countless bottles of wine I drank paired with pizza? Or the numerous pints of beer that I drank combined with pizza? Or the pizza I ate topped with pizza?? OORRRRR maybe it's the fact that I've been a total SLACKER this month! (OK so it's probably a combo of all of the above!) Regardless. Party's over. It's time to get back to reality. After all, who wants a fitness instructor with a jiggly pizza belly?? LOL

That said, Brad and I have decided to challenge ourselves to something we've always had an interest in, and part-time live by anyway... "Eat Right For Your Blood Type". Dr. Peter J D'Adamo released a book about this in 1996 and it has made him enormously famous. Quoted from his site: He is a "naturopathic physician noted for his popular books on the Blood Type Diet. His series of books suggest that appropriate diet and lifestyle depend in part on an individual's blood type. An acknowledged expert in naturopathic medicine, Dr. D'Adamo's numerous publications and bestselling books have greatly contributed to our understanding of dietary individuality." http://www.dadamo.com/

Luckily we are both A+ blood types, and so is Veronica (obviously), so we only need to make one recipe / meal.

And here we start.

I'm going to blog about this as daily or weekly as my schedule will allow, and update you with recipes and tips that we have loved / hated. I'm ALSO going to take my measurements today (before we cook our first meal after shopping), and weekly will let you know how my progress is going! (I can't promise that I'll get the same commitment from Brad considering he has to work on film sets who won't necessarily cater to his needs-- but we'll see ;p) It will be interesting to see how 'eating for your blood type' combined with a regimented work out schedule will change our overall appearances. It will also be interesting to see the difference between genders!

Saturday, June 18:
Day 1. Grocery Shopping for an "A Blood Type"!

I've downloaded an awesome app on my IPhone that lets us know the foods that are "Benefits, Neutrals and Avoids" for our A blood type. (Conveniently enough, it's called "Eat Right 4 Your Type" and is $3.99) It also offers a hundred delicious sounding recipes! We will shop with those lists and recipes and hopefully come up with something edible!

(Luckily it says that Red Wine is a 'Benefit' for our blood type... ;p In moderation of course!!)

Wish us luck!!

What happens when your MAT LEAVE pay runs out?!?!?!

OH MY FREAKING GOD!!!

Can you believe it? My baby, Veronica is officially ONE YEAR OLD!! That means, that not only have I been a MOM for an entire year...... but that my MATERNITY LEAVE PAY HAS RUN OUT! AAAAKK!!

Sooooo... Where does the time go exactly? 'Cuz I certainly don't feel like I'm good enough at this 'mom thing' yet that a full YEAR should have passed me by!! (Hmm... Maybe I need more practice! ;p)

But I digress. NOW, 52+ weeks after having my baby, I'm $1,600/month poorer than I was last month. I mean, up until the beginning of April, the government paid me a small percentage of my old salary to raise my child... (And on a side note-- how COOL is it that in 2011 they started to pay EI & Mat Leave to Self- Employed people!! Maybe the ONLY good thing I can say about the Harper Gov't-- and I actually have no educated idea if he had anything to do with it.) But alas, my paycheque is done. Kaput. Gone-zo...

And that's ok! I've embraced my new spending budget. I've STOPPED shopping for my baby out of sheer boredom every day. I've STOPPED eating out every single meal of the day at Bo Jangles & the Hurricane Grill. I've stopped going out for coffee & lunch with the other stroller moms & having a house cleaner & sending my dogs to the groomers... BAAHAHAHA ya RIGHT!! NO I haven't!

WHY?? Cuz I'm a committed yuppy downtown mom. Because there are certain things that we have at our fingertips here in Yaletown called-- "EVERYTHING"! And Brad & I have just made the choice to make it work financially.

If any of you have been following my previous blogs then you know that I'm a huge fan of being an 'Urban Mom'. My suburban friends are always trying to convince me that I NEED to move to the North Shore. Because Veronica NEEDS a YARD. And the dogs NEED a YARD. And if we have a second child they NEED more ROOM... but I'm sorry, did you happen to notice that my front yard is the SEAWALL?? And did you realize that I have a small movie theatre, a party room, a gym, a pool, a hot tub and a PLAYGROUND on my 2nd floor?? And did you see the off-leash dog park across the street from my place? In between the 2 outdoor playgrounds that is. (I know, it's super easy to miss ;p). And maybe you saw the daycare center next door to our condo? Or that the Roundhouse Community Center is just around the corner from us (next to the Elementary School of course) with a bazillion kids programs?

You're right. I should totally move out of my neighborhood.

Not to mention that within a block of us, there's a grocery store, liquor store, post office, dry cleaners, pet store, a dozen amazingly affordable & delicious restaurants... and now my most favorite place to shop... Saf & Benjamin's Modern Baby Store?! What more does a mom need?

Ohh excercise. Right. And oh. Maybe a paycheque? ;p Well that's a no-brainer. YES being a new mom makes it difficult to make time for the gym, but my past posts have made no secret that I am a devoted attendee and huge fan of the organization "Fit-4-Two"... SUCH a huge fan in fact, that I've recently decided to get certified to TEACH the mom & baby classes that I religiously attend every week! (This will prove to be especially rewarding considering I didn't know that classes like this existed when I was pregnant -- and as a result I got pretty depressed about being fat and tired during my pregnancy.)

Soo Yup. I've solved my lack of Mat Leave Pay problem.

I'm officially on my way to being one of "those Yaletown moms" that you see leading the other stereotypical Yaletown moms in doing dips & lunges along the seawall. I get to work out & get paid for it & hang out with my baby in my off-time.. and although some of you who are my dearest friends will make fun of me for it... I'm so ridiculously happy that I don't care! I only wish that each and every one of you gets to experience the same feeling of 'success' and 'belonging' that I have found recently (especially since giving birth) and that you embrace the wonderful thing that is to live this beautiful country.

Oh. And money. I wish you lots and lots of money.

Urban Baby

--- If there's one thing my husband and I said when we were talking about getting pregnant, it was that no matter what, a baby was NEVER going to change our lifestyle. So... 8 months in, how are we doing so far? Well, I'll let you decide!---

(This post is inspired by a newspaper article that I was tagged in on Facebook where a woman wrote in to a columnist complaining that her friends with kids were no longer accessible and / or interested in making time for her anymore. Her letter was beyond selfish and ridiculous, but the response from the Columnist was also far from satisfactory to me... it was extremely specific to a certain 'type' of parent... the kind that actually DO change their lives 100% once they have kids. Well, sorry folks, but we are NOT those parents.)

-----------------------------------------

My husband Brad & I have always been downtown-living, patio-sitting, dog-loving, social people. And although the idea of having kids seemed like a good one in theory, (well-- maybe in a few years) we both felt too happy and selfish to give up everything that we had spent the past 7 years building together. We already had 2 dogs... wasn't our family big enough? We did the 'adopt an adult dog thing', and then we did the 'puppy thing' -- which is sort of the same as having a baby, right? Besides, once we had kids wouldn't we need a bigger place? One with a yard? Wouldn't we need more storage? And a mini-van? Maybe a nice big house with a 2-car garage so we both could have some freedom? Because I think that if you add up all of the above, we would have to move out of our beautiful 2+ bedroom Yuppy Yaletown condo into (gulp I can barely even stand to write it...) **SUBURBIA**?? (Ak. Spit. Shudder.)

But all that useless speculation became reality when I found out I was pregnant after a ridiculous summer of partying, drinking and hot tubbing. (Holy crap!) So that was that. GONE were the fun weekends away and the summers of sitting on patios... GONE were the nights of partying with friends... GONE were the days of spontaneity and independence and dinners out and nice clothes and flat ironed hair... RIGHT?? Because now there were more important things to do. There were diapers to pay for, and school to plan for, and college funds to save for... not to mention all the cooking, cleaning, laundry... and oh yeah. What about that second kid we talked about??

(Ha ha. ANYONE who knows me would think the above was pretty damn funny ;p Cook? Me? And aren't there people you can PAY to clean your condo for you?) ;p

So what happened? You guessed it. We didn't change a thing. Well... Almost. ;p

OK, so maybe now I go to bed a little earlier since I'm up at 3am & 5am & 7am tending to a fussy baby... and maybe my blow drier and flat iron only come out once/month... and maybe now our living room resembles a children's toy store... and maybe our spare bedroom is decorated in fairies and has a crib, baby clothes and hundreds of toys in it... and maybe I have had to join the infamous 'Mom & Baby Fitness groups' since I can't take a fussy baby to our condo gym... and maybe I have to be home twice/day for 'nap time'... and maybe we don't see as many movies anymore... and maybe now we have to sit on the "Family Friendly" side of our favorite bars & restaurants because Vancouver has stupid liquor laws... and maybe our 'date nights' cost twice as much because we need to hire a sitter... and maybe we DID have to upgrade our 2-door convertible to a 7-seat Crossover...

BUT OVERALL, we have stayed true to our original intentions, and have not let having a baby drastically change our Urban lifestyle! We still go out for our morning coffees and dog walks and eat out a few times a week and go shopping and drink copious amounts of wine on patios with friends... we just bring our baby with us! We still crash at friend's houses over the weekends and have actually traveled more this year than ever... Brad and I have both separately been to Las Vegas this year, and Veronica has come with us to Victoria, Nanaimo, Tofino, Bellingham, Toronto (twice!), Muskoka, London (Ontario), Cuba... and we are heading on a Caribbean Cruise at the end of January!

So what does all of this mean exactly? It means that you CAN be a happy, downtown Urban family. And I'm relieved to know that it IS possible to have a social life AND be a parent. And from what we've learned, all it takes is a laid back attitude and a really big diaper bag.

And what about that "Second Kid" you ask...? "What will you do then?" I have absolutely no idea. Everyone keeps saying "Well... you're not going to get to do THAT for much longer..." And yet funny enough? Somehow, we do! So I guess we'll just face those "future obstacles" as they begin to present themselves.... and in the meantime I'll keep an eye out for a 3+ bedroom condo in Yaletown... with a yard! ;p