THIS IS HALF YOUR FAULT!

I have joked since Day One of discovering I was pregnant that I was going to write a book called “This is Half Your Fault!” focusing on the ‘joys’ of marriage and relationships during the 10 loooong months of pregnancy… but the likelihood of that actually happening is pretty low for 2 solid reasons:

a) I don’t think I have the attention span to actually write a book;

and

b) Other than a catchy title, I don’t think I have much material to fill the pages!

Now, I don't know how most of you ladies feel out there, but I really have to hand it to my husband. Apart from some bumpy transitional times during the first trimester where we just wished we could go back to the way things were, Brad has really jumped onboard and has been amazing throughout this crazy new stage in our lives. He's been supportive & understanding of my various mood swings -- he caters to my random food cravings, (like running to 7-11 at 10pm if I decide that I REALLY need some fuzzy peaches or Rolo ice cream), and most of all he's managed to cope with my lack of 'libido'....

(Wow girls.. Ready to get pregnant now or what?!) ;p

The Backstory…

Even before we were married or ready to have kids, Brad and I talked about what would happen if we ever got pregnant: Would we keep it? Yes. No brainer. How would we afford it? Well, we just would... "Let's try our best to wait until we're in our 30's.." That was our only goal. (And we succeeded at that!)

We talked about what we thought the most challenging parts of pregnancy were going to be… (and if you’ve read any of my previous posts, you can probably guess that I wasn’t thinking about the miracle-of-life that is conception)… no… I was focusing on all the drugs I’d need because I’m terrified about the pain I will feel during labor… and I was wondering how the hell I was going to get through 9-10 months of pregnancy with no wine!!

We had long talks about parenthood. What does it mean to be a 'parent'. We talked about my upbringing, his upbringing, our morals, our views on disciplining... We were relieved to discover that neither of us have a desire to introduce religion to our kids at birth, ( even though I was raised Catholic, my parents gave my brother and I the choice to continue practicing at age 13 and we both chose not to.) Our kids, too, will be free to make decisions about religion if and when they're ready.

We were confident that we'd both be accepting of any life choices that our kids made (and were pretty sure up until our ultrasound that our first child was going to be an awesomely gay son-- ah well, we may luck out with #2!) We're STILL convinced that our kids will probably be accountants or scientists or something else that we artists can't relate to. But all we can do is teach our children about love and give them the best tools possible for them to survive... (and then we'll do what our parents did... keep our fingers crossed that what we were able to give them was enough!)

We will expose our children to the world. Focus on the things that are truly important. Passion. Education. Culture. Wisdom. We'll teach them about food and nutrition, and introduce them to various activities and hobbies and styles of music and arts and sports and people. We'll start them young going to see live theatre and eating out in restaurants. They'll grow up on sushi and pad thai and spicy Indian curry and hopefully by growing up in multi-cultural Vancouver (even though they'll be raised by two whiter-than-white parents) they'll never even need to know about being color blind.

(By the way, on a total side note, have you ever googled the definition of "Parent"? One pretty traditionally says: "PARENT: One who begets, gives birth to, or nurtures and raises a child; a father or mother." But another one says: "PARENT: An organism that produces or generates offspring."

An 'organism' huh? Wow. I feel so... ordinary.

What happened… (The Pregnancy Part)

So, we agreed early on in our relationship that if the whole pregnancy thing ever happened that Brad would give up booze too. (Fair is fair, right?) A ten month detox. Besides… a girl can’t get preggers on her own, it takes 2 to tango…

As I've said in other posts, I found out that I was pregnant in September 2009... right after Brad & I had our last financially irresponsible summer of being DINK’s… (Dual Income, No Kids)… lounging on patios with our two puppies and amazing friends, racking up hundreds of dollars in bar tabs...

And then, WHAM. Bye-bye summer of freedom, it's detox time. Easier said and done for me than for Brad, that's for sure... I was feeling so crappy that even the smell of wine was enough to make my tummy turn. But he was a trooper. There were moments for sure during the first trimester where I was so intolerably grumpy that he probably wished he could drown himself in a case of beer... I remember one particularly irritable day I told him to either start drinking again or go back to work shooting movies on the island, because we were actually happier that way.

Ahh love. ;p

So I've covered our views on parenting and mood swings and food cravings and what happens when two people lack a 'vice'.... so now, for a brief moment I will talk about my "libido" (or the lack-thereof). **Sorry to my future children who may be reading this... You may want to skip this paragraph!** I have done much research in this area, and it simply seems that it's absolutely inconclusive. It's just different for every woman. Some women experience an increase in sexual interest and activity during their second and third trimesters, and some women don't. The only consistent thing seems to be that if you're feeling sick and tired during the first trimester, you likely will not be in the mood for intimacy. No kidding. You mean, puking isn't a turn on for most people?! But it seems that MY 'mood' just hasn't picked back up again yet... but I suppose there's still time!

OK. That's all I'll get into about that. I don't want to embarrass anybody.

All in all, my reason behind this whole blog was to give kudos to my hubby. He's really been picking up the falling pieces during this whole pregnancy thing.

So Bradley… it's true. This IS half your fault! And thanks, sweetie, for taking on your 50%.

xox

(P.S: I'll have to keep you all posted on the "What Happened... The Birth Part" and "What Happened... The Breast Feeding Part". We'll see if I still feel this way after giving birth to a watermelon and having a creature tug at my once-upon-a-time-sexy-female assets!! ;p)

Random Tips & Things I've Learned since being preggers....

I'm going to continue to update this section as more info pours in, and as I 'grow' throughout my pregnancy. Hopefully it's of interest to my curious friends, (hi Christina & KJ!) but it will also help me remember all of this when we (oh man, am I actually going to put this in writing?) GULP.... when we eventually have our 2nd kid. ;p

This may wind up being longer than I intended for one post, but oh well!

At 25 weeks, this is what I've learned:

YOU'RE PREGNANT FOR 40 WEEKS...

This equals 10 months, I don't care what anyone says. (On a side note, do you know how much that screws with my whole backstory about how/when/why I was conceived by MY parents?!) I think the whole myth about being pregnant for 9 months is mostly because no one ever really knows they're preggers for at least the first 4 weeks of this 40 week timeline, and for the first 2 weeks of those 4... you're not even technically pregnant!!

Here's the thing. You go to the doctor... and you test positive. "YAY!" or "AAK! or "----" (insert appropriate response here.) And then they drill you about the dates of your last period and when your new cycle would have begun and whether or not you're on a 28-day or 30-day cycle etc. etc. etc. You know, stuff a woman who is not obsessed about being pregnant or getting pregnant pays little attention to. Then they tell you you're 8 weeks pregnant. "But wait a second..." you say. "I didn't even have sex until (---insert number of days / weeks here---) after that day 8 weeks ago!" And they say "Exactly." So what does that mean? It means we are all Virgin Mother Mary's having this amazing miraculous conception before even consummating!

The only reasonable explanation I have come up with is the following: Not all women are alike, so in order to create some sort of 'generalization' and 'consistency' about pregnancy, doctors simply count from the first day of your new cycle-- even though you're not pregnant yet and scientifically CAN'T be pregnant until after your egg is fertilized, they count you preggers.

Soooo.... I like to think of it like this: The whole 40 week journey is actually NOT about the woman, it's about the Egg. The egg is 'born' on the first day of your cycle, and lives happily on her own for about 2 weeks sperm free. Then, when the woman 'ovulates', the egg is set free to go find her spermy-soulmate... and if she does? Then 'Whoopie we have a baby!!' and if not? Her journey is over and she unfortunately is flushed away with all the others at the end of the month by your 'red visitor'.

It all makes me laugh... I actually had an Ultrasound Technician say "Well dear, it's not an exact science"... but after this many centuries of women giving birth... shouldn't it be?!?!

But it really isn't. So I coined a phrase and called it: "Pregnancy time". In "Pregnancy Time" a woman is carrying for 40 weeks. In "Pregnancy Time", a month is only 4 weeks / 28 days long. And as of tomorrow, I'm 25 weeks pregnant, which means by "Pregnancy Time" I'm now in my 7th month. (Holy crap!!)

THE MORE PREGNANT YOU LOOK, THE LESS PREGNANT YOU FEEL...

At least, this has been the truth for me! When I was first questioning whether or not I could be pregnant, my nose started turning up at the strangest things (coffee... wine... vegetables) and I craved all things creamy & cheesy & gooey and great! (This was coming from the girl who went to the gym every day, counted her daily calories on her IPhone and ate less food in order to allow herself more wine at the end of the day!) And I felt tired. Sooo tired. I almost started questioning whether or not I should get tested for mono.

The first 4 months sucked.

They call it "morning sickness" but come on now, anyone who's really had it knows it's "all day sickness". I woke up every morning so hungry I would be sick, but I hated the thought of eating and never wanted anything specific until it was too late, and suddenly meal planning became the most stressful events of Brad's day. Brushing my teeth made me throw up, car travel and airplanes made me nauseous, I was grumpy & tired & all together joyful to be around :)

Now, I'm a person who's normally extremely project oriented & naturally driven, but as soon as I got pregnant I just wanted to curl up in bed & hide from the world. I lost any and all interest and ambition for everything, and wished that time, people & responsibilities would leave me alone... it's actually the closest I've ever felt to being depressed.

Even worse? You're not showing. And you don't really want to tell anyone for at least the first 3 delicate months in case you lose the baby... So no one knows WHY you're so angry with the world. And did I mention no wine? (By the way? Just try hiding being pregnant from your servers & bartenders who have been ploughing you full of booze for the past couple of years... not easy.)

In Month 5 I was puking less, but still sleeping like I had never slept before. (Luckily, my Film Development job is a combo of working from home & office and so up 'til this point I was able to be at home with my puppies & rest whenever I wanted/needed to.) But month 5 was full of travel & Christmas & birthdays & parties--- and that's when I really started missing my wine. (Do you sense a pattern here??) But I just appeared "thicker" at this point, not pregnant. As far as I was concerned, I was huge, but I'm used to my own self-perception.

In January, Month 6 I REALLY started to show (around week 22) and my energy was coming back. My co-worker, Marnie has been getting a daily kick out of watching me pop... and now at 7 months, I look officially pregnant-- but feel great :) I can even brush my teeth now almost without gagging! AND I can eat raw vegetables again. Very exciting.

Now, some people are adamant about being the best "motherly host" their fetus could pick... I kinda try... but figure that between all the extremes, there has to be a happy medium. So apologies in advance to all you die-hard pregnancy-nazis out there... I'm just not one of you.

-I DO have the occasional drink (I don't get tipsy, but a glass of wine or a pint of beer does wonders for my mood.)

-I DO have hot tubs (in 10 minute intervals, less if Brad's watching.)

-I DO eat Sushi. My doctor says as long as it's from a place I trust then it will be fresh.

A few tips I learned along the way to deal with "morning sickness"

(compiled from personal experience & from those who have done this before):

-keep Saltine crackers by your bed at all times. You will eat them randomly, especially first thing in the morning.

-Ginger Ginger Ginger. Gingerale, tea, candied... however you can get it into your system. I don't know the scientific reason as to why, but it simply helped.

-Mac & Cheese, grilled cheese sandwiches & soup are the best go-to meals.

-Give in to your cravings within reason. I made Brad run to get me Ketchup Chips & Fuzzy Peaches one day, but luckily those crappy-food cravings don't last.

-Keep a lemon in your purse & scratch & smell it when you feel sick (I never did this, but wish I'd known about it ealier! My gf Melina says it apparently really helps)

And that's it for now :) I will continue to add as I learn & grow... would love to hear your tips & stories so I can help educate myself & my pals who are considering motherhood...