Holy contractions batman!

So, I don't know if any of you have ever heard of this evil, vicious man named John Braxton Hicks who left behind even more awefulness called "Braxton Hicks Contractions"?

Well, I guess I'm kidding. At least, I'm mostly kidding. What I mean is, he didn't leave them behind per se... but he did "first describe them" according to Wikipedia. My opinion is... as a Doctor, do you really want to associate yourself with something so irritating for all of eternity?!

WIKI says : "Braxton Hicks contractions, also known as false labor or practice contractions are sporadic uterine contractions that usually start around 6 weeks however are not usually felt until the second trimester or third trimester of pregnancy." Ultimately, that means... they suck. I went to my pre-natal class at 32 weeks with a girl who had started feeling them at 18 weeks, (ugh). I didn't know WHAT I was feeling until I was about 30 weeks and had one in front of my doctor. She was like "Oh wow dear... so have you been having lots of these Braxton Hicks?' And I was like... "Huh?" Then suddenly I was like... "Ohhhhh..... right. Those things. Yeah, I was reading about those in my weekly pregnancy calendar... man, is THAT what this is??"

See, it feels just like a Charley-Horse... in your belly. Over & over & over again. Sometimes it's just enough to make you stop and scrunch up your nose and maybe catch your breath... sometimes it can double you over completely in discomfort, but almost all of the time it's aggravating enough to make you hobble to the bathroom in a panic to pee. I just assumed that it was the baby pushing really hard against my belly in a few random spots, but as soon as I knew what it was that I was experiencing, I was able to diagnose them, and even anticipate them starting.

WIKI says: "They should be infrequent, irregular, and involve only mild cramping. Braxton Hicks contractions are a tightening of the uterine muscles for one to two hours and are thought to be an aid to the body in its preparation for birth. Not all expectant mothers have these contractions. They are thought to be part of the process of effacement of the cervix." Guess I'm part of the lucky few who get to have them. Whoo hoo. At least I know that my stomach muscles are getting some exercise over these 10 months since I can't do P90X.

That said, I find that these f@#*ers occur whenever I cause my stomach muscles to flex. (And do you have ANY idea how often you inadvertently flex your stomach muscles in a day?!?!) You laugh. **flex** You're caught off guard. **flex** You sit up from lying down. **flex** You bend over to pick up dog poo. **flex** You have to take your own poo... you guessed it! **flex** (classy shit this whole pregnancy thing huh? ;p) So, I get them a few times an hour. That seems extreme to me, but nobody else seems to bat an eyelash.

Anyhow, now that I'm 36 weeks preggo in a matter of hours, I'm going to stop questioning things out loud. Especially after experiencing some weird tummy cramps today that I would have sworn were the start of labor if it weren't for my pre-natal classes and the internet-- it seems that anything I wonder about or google about simply states that my body is "preparing" for the "real thing". I swear I could be in actual labor and sources would say "well ladies, that's just your body prepping itself for motherhood." No shit.

Soo, I count down the weeks, the days. And if I make it to May 15 & am still blogging about f'n Braxton Hicks contractions instead of having the real thing, I will be hitting some serious inducement strategies.